Season 3
by stop looking at me
Summary: Obviously picks up where season 2 left off. Rated for future situations! Chapter 3 Catalyst is up...should she stay or should she go?
1. Prom Night

**Author's Note: MVO is in italics. This chapter is short I know the rest will be longer. **

"_The trouble with love is, it makes you do things...things you wouldn't dream of"._

Scene: Meredith and Derrick having sex in the exam room at the prom.

"_It makes you feel things...things that scare the hell out of you"._

Scene: Christina in Burke's room holding his hand both of them silent, Christina still looking terrified at the thought of losing her "edge".

"_It makes you say things...things you think you should have never said"._

Scene: George and Callie in the hall way of the hospital her crying telling him that she opened up - she told him she loved him and he couldn't say it back.

"_It makes you hurt those who love and care for you the most"._

Scene: Richard sitting alone at his desk thinking about what Adele said to him...she had known all that time she had known about Ellis.

"_And sometimes, well sometimes love just completely destroys you"._

Scene: Izzie walking out of the hospital George and Alex following her, she is walking down the front steps in her beautiful gown looking completely broken.

Meredith stood there between the two men frozen, in her mind she was going through the nights events they were almost sureal she was in a fog and then she heard it, he was calling her name again. "Meredith", Derrick said. He had the most pained yet confused look on his face as if it should be an easy choice for her, easy for her to forget about plans and birthing ponies and just walk away with him.

As she stood there she couldn't help but think that time was standing still, she was trying to come up with an excuse, any excuse to get the hell out of there, almost hoping Addison would walk in to ask her husband if he was ready to go home. She laughed to herself - the one time I would actually be happy to see Addison and where is she now?

Meredith knew she had to do something the situation was completely unbearable and the longer the three of them stood there the more the tension rose.

Finally Meredith looked at Finn, "I drove" she said almost not recognizing her own voice, "ummm...here I mean I drove here" she looked up at him to see confusion in his eyes, "OK", Finn said with a sigh, he took one step closer to her, " I will call you tomorrow, please tell Izzie I am sorry".

He leaned into kiss her for Finn this was a moment of truth he knew she had told him about being scary and damaged but he really wasn't sure what was going on between the two of them, if she pulled away or turned her head he would know, he would know where scary and damaged came from, who scary and damaged came from...

**So this is my first attempt please review let me know how I can do better, what I need to change, ect. I will update Sunday / Monday. Thanks! **


	2. The Aftermath

Meredith could feel Finn moving closer to her and as he leaned into kiss her she swore to herself that she would not pull away from him. He didn't deserve this he was good to her. He cared about her. So as he leaned into kiss her she stood absolutely still willing herself not to move. Finn kissed her softly on the lips and turned to leave. As he walked away Meredith turned to look at Derek he was standing there with a look of anguish on his face, she looked into his eyes hoping to be able to see into his soul and all she could see was pain.

Meredith stood there for a moment before she realized she was alone with Derek and suddenly her mind was racing.

"Meredith" he said again this time in almost a whisper.

Meredith heard him say her name as she thought about the events that occurred not far from where they were standing and suddenly she realized she had become the dirty mistress, she had become her mother. She could feel the heat in her body rise until her face became flushed.

Meredith whipped around to face him head on. Derek looked at her and saw the rage in her eyes and the angry expression on her face.

"What does this mean"? His words were playing over and over again in her head. Meredith opened her mouth to speak and the words just came spilling out.

"You have a WIFE Derek, A WIFE", she repeated. "You don't get to ask ME what this means, because right now all it means to me is that I am THE DIRTY MISTRESS, I am the one breaking up a marriage".

Tears start to fall down Meredith's cheeks.

Derek started to speak "Mer –"

"No" Meredith shouted, "you don't get to say anything".

Meredith glared at him with fire in her eyes "I will not be the dirty mistress, I will not be your fling on the side, contrary to what you may think of me I am NOT A WHORE"!

Standing there the silence was deafening. "I am sorry" Derek whispered his eyes filling with tears.

They both stood there waiting for the other to move finally Meredith turned to leave "I am sorry too" she whispered choking back tears, "I am sorry you couldn't see..." she let her words trail off as she walked away.

Derek stood by the window and watched her walk away again. He sighed. His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Addison's voice.

"Are you ready to go" Addison asked, each word quieter then the one before as she saw her husband's face.

Derek nodded solemnly and put his hand gently on the small of Addison's back to guide her to the door.

The drive was silent neither one sure what to say to the other. Addison began to wonder what had happened while she was in Richard's office. She saw her husband run after Meredith during prom but she had assumed that Meredith was still upset about Doc. The events of the past few months began to replay in her head. The first time she saw Meredith and Derek together. She had arrived in Seattle and come straight to the hospital to meet Richard. She saw them walking towards the door together, hand in hand laughing about something. They looked so happy; it was a happiness she hadn't seen in either of them since she had been there.

Meredith pulled up in her driveway and laid her head on her steering wheel. She began to tremble and soon she was sobbing. It felt good to let it all out. Meredith cried for all the people she felt she had hurt tonight with one bad, selfish decision. She cried for Finn who would end up hurt. She knew she didn't, couldn't love him. She cried for Addison who even though she didn't know it yet was a victim of tonight also.

Meredith's thoughts were soon interrupted by George knocking on her window. "We need help," he said to her almost pleading. "She won't talk...I mean at all Meredith".

Meredith got out of her car and they made their way upstairs. Alex and Callie were sitting in Izzie's room.

"Iz", Meredith said quietly not getting any response. "Izzie" Meredith tried again.

This time Izzie looked up at her "he's gone Mer, he's really gone. The only person who ever loved me for me, not the pretty girl, not the underwear model, JUST ME...and now he's gone."

The phone rang and startled Meredith. George answered it. Meredith was giving him a look as if to ask, "who the hell is it?"

George handed Meredith the phone, "It's Bailey," he said quietly.

Meredith took the phone and walked into the hall. "Dr. Bailey" Meredith said, "Is everything OK?"

"Meredith I wanted to let one of you know that all Denny's things are here in a box for Izzie to pick up when she is ready, I will move them to the Chief's office for safe keeping".

"Oh OK, is there no one"? Meredith asked the question hesitantly not sure she wanted to know the answer.

Dr. Bailey sighed, "The only person to be notified upon his death was an attorney, other then that no family is listed on his admission forms, no friends, or nothin"

"OK, thanks Dr. Bailey uh, one more thing, if we uh, you know, need some time this week to stay with her."

Dr. Bailey immediately cut her off, "I think that would be fine. Try to talk to her about her job too; it was a rash decision, not to well thought out. Oh and Grey, if you ever tell another living soul I was understanding about this you will be doing sutures for a MONTH! We clear?"

"Absolutely"

Meredith hung up the phone the reality of it all sinking in. It was almost too cruel to think about really, Izzie would be planning a funeral instead of a wedding. Picking out a casket instead of a ring.

Meredith walked back into the bedroom and laid down next to Izzie. "We will get through this" she whispered to her, "together, I promise."

**Author's Note: OK this chapter is kind of boring in my opinion but necessary. You have to know how they (Mer/Der) react. Review and let me know what you think! Thanks. **


	3. Catalyst

**Disclaimer:Oh and by the way I don't own anything...not sure I even wish I did, I am having a hard enough time deciding what I want to happen in this story...and it isn't even the real show! **

**A/N: Just in case you miss it in the text it has been 3 weeks since prom. Writing in italics are Meredith's thoughts as she goes through the day.**

Meredith hears her alarm going off she rolls over disgusted "Ugh already"! Her mind quickly begins to fill with the events of the pat few weeks as she heads off for a quick shower.

_3 weeks, I have spent the last 3 weeks avoiding Derrick and Addison all day then coming home to Izzie...I need a break. Meredith you sound so selfish sometimes. _

Meredith wipes the steam from the mirror and starts talking to herself. "You are going to go into his office first thing before you lose your nerve and ask, no tell him what you want", she sighs, "easier said then done", she chuckles.

"Who are you talking to" George comes wondering in the bathroom whistling.

"What are you so disgustingly happy about so damn early?" Meredith asks turning around.

"Just life" George says, "we are going to be late, come on"!

"OK I will be down in 5 minutes, will you get me a cup of coffee," she asks giving him a puppy dogface.

"Fine just hurry up" George says running down the stairs.

George and Meredith get to the hospital with about 15 minutes to spare before rounds. Meredith cautiously looks into the elevator before getting in she hits the 4th floor. She watches as each floor lights up 2, 3, she sighs clutching a piece of paper to her chest.

_It's now or never! _

Meredith knocks on the door she hears a gruff voice from the other side "Come in".

"Uh – Chief, I need to talk to you about something" Meredith says quickly.

Webber looks up from his paper work he doesn't like the look on Meredith's face. "OK" he replies hesitantly.

"The 3 month fellowship program in New York, the one for interns, Iwanttogo", Meredith says the last partly as quickly as possible afraid she will chicken out.

Webber looks down at his hands and sighs he know things here have not been easy for her here the last few weeks he has seen them he knows the tension between those three is so thick you can almost see it. "Are you sure", he asks, "about this I mean, you are sure

you want to go?"

"I need to go" Meredith says quietly.

"OK, you leave on tomorrow, but if you change your mind let me know, we would like you to stay, I would like you to stay, you are one of my best interns." Webber looks down at his hands again he knows this has nothing to do with her career he just hopes this can give her the space she needs.

"Will you visit her, while I am gone I mean will you still visit her?" Meredith asked sheepishly.

"Of course, I will call you if there are any changes, or if we need you for anything." Webber almost regrets the last part of his sentence.

"Thanks" Meredith turns to leave but quickly turns back around, "can this stay between you and me, and Bailey of course but no one else really needs to know".

Webber instantly knew who no one else was "No problem" Webber nodded. Now he knew for a fact why she was leaving he had suspected but this was the confirmation he needed.

Meredith walked down the hall a mixture of contentment and fear ran through her mind. She picked up the phone and called Izzie. "Do you think I am doing the right thing?" Meredith asked.

"If you want me to answer selfishly then no, I want you to stay, but for you Mer yes I think getting away for a while is a good idea". Izzie sighed on the other end of the phone, it was just going to be her and George for a while but she knew Meredith needed to leave if only for her sanity. After Meredith told her about Prom she thought for sure McDreamy would leave Addison but he didn't. Happy or miserable he was still there "trying" although Izzie wondered when adultery had become part of working on your marriage.

Meredith snapped Izzie back to reality "You could come with me you know a change of scenery"

"I can't Meredith, with Denny's will and all of the charity donations, there is no way I can leave right now".

"You have to visit me sometime though" Meredith in a pitiful tone.

"Oh I will, a New York shopping trip sounds fun, I've never been there before" Izzie giggled.

"Oh and Izzie don't say anything to anyone, I want to be the one to tell them".

"And Izzie thanks, for everything".

"Your welcome by Mer." Izzie hung up.

Meredith flipped her phone closed.

"Tell us what", Christina asked causing Meredith to jump two feet off the ground.

"I am going to New York for 3 months for a fellowship program, I leave tomorrow" Meredith searched Christina's face for some sort of sign.

"Meredith running away never solved anything" Christina sniped.

"I am not running", Meredith defended, "I need a break Christina, I need some distance."

"What you think you are going to build up some McDreamy immunity in New York"?

Meredith sighed, "It is only a few months and it gives you a great excuse for a 72 hour trip", Meredith looked Christina in the eyes almost pleading with her to accept this decision.

"Well I definitely think distance between you and the jackass is a good thing" Christina sighed.

Meredith grinned at her knowing that was as close to approval as she was going to get.

Meredith's pager began to beep "I gotta go" she turned and shouted back, "hey how about Joe's tonight kind of a going away thing."

"You don't get a going away party you are coming back in three months," Christina said sarcastically.

"I didn't say party I said thing", Meredith shouted still walking away, "besides its a good reason to get drunk"!

"Since when do you need an official reason" Christina laughed.

"Just be there," Meredith said as she got on the elevator not paying any attention to the occupant.

Meredith looked up as the doors were closing "Damn it" she said.

"Nice to see you too Dr. Grey" Derrick said flashing her a smile.

"No its not nice to see you that's way I said damn it" Meredith looked up at the numbers almost willing the elevator to move faster.

Derrick walked over to where she was standing leaning into her leaving no space between the two of them. Meredith was trapped between his body and the elevator wall. Meredith could smell him he was so close if she leaned forward even a little their lips would be touching. Derrick could smell the lavender in her hair he leaned down and nuzzled into her taking in all he could.

They stood there fixed in each other's gaze neither one paying attention to anything going on around them because if they had they would have realized the elevator was stopping on the 4th floor. The elevator doors opened and the sound of someone clearing their throat caused Meredith to push Derrick to the other side of the elevator. Derrick looked up and grinned at Webber "Good afternoon Richard" He said.

Meredith stuck her arm in the elevator door causing it to spring back open so she could make a quick exit, "I'll take the stairs"!

Webber looked over at Derrick, "don't you think you have done enough", he asked shaking his head.

Derrick looked confused knowing that although the gossip mill was churning he could not possibly know about prom night. "What are you talking about Richard"?

Webber looked at him remembering his promise to Meredith, "you know if you know what's good for you and this hospital you will leave that girl be".

Webber turned to get off on his floor, "I mean it Derrick, she needs some peace".

Derrick was lost in his thoughts he got off on Meredith's floor and started looking for her, he found her in an empty exam room with several charts. He walk in and began to shut the door.

"Leave it open" she hissed

"Why Dr. Grey do you have a problem with self control" he grinned at her.

"No Dr. Shepherd I don't its just our track record isn't fantastic when it comes to exam rooms".

"I beg to differ I think our track record is excellent when it comes to exam rooms" he closes the door and walks over to where she is sitting.

Meredith begins to get up to walk away but once again he has cornered her between himself and the exam table.

"Dr. Shepherd if you will excuse me I have a very busy day" Meredith said in an irratated tone.

Derrick leaned down to her face and softly stroked her cheek with his hand she felt a chill as soon as he touched her. She looked up into his eyes and was desperate to keep this from happening again it was wrong she didn't want to be his mistress.

_This is why you are leaving Meredith in New York there won't be exam rooms and elevators to avoid. You cannot stay here - there is no way you can stay here - not like this. _

"Meredith, I am sorry, I am so sorry I hurt you, but I will never be sorry I met you. You gave me something I didn't even realize I was missing". Derrick looks deep into Meredith's eyes and leans into kiss her.

**Song playing Catalyst by Anna Nalick:**

L.A. lights never shine quite as bright as in the movies  
Still wanna go  
There's something here  
In the way, in the way that we're constantly moving  
Reminds you of home  
So you've taken these pills  
For to fill up your soul  
And your drinking them down with cheap alcohol  
I might be inclined to be yours for the taken  
And part of this terrible mess that you're making  
But me, I'm the catalyst

When you say love is a simple chemical reaction  
Can't say I agree  
Cuz my chemical, yeah, left me a beautiful disaster  
Still love's all I see

So I'm taking these pills for to fill up my soul  
And I'm drinking them down with cheap alcohol  
And you'd be inclined to be mine for the taking  
You're part of this terrible mess that I'm making  
But you, you're the catalyst

You'll be the thing  
You'll be the pain  
You'll be the star  
You'll be the road, rolling below  
The wheels of a car  
And all of the thoughts, oh god  
Don't know if I'm strong enough now  
You'll be the thing  
You'll be the pain  
You'll be the  
Catalyst

These L.A. lights, no no,  
They don't shine quite as bright as back in Frisco  
Do you wanna go?  
Still wanna go

_God how can he say these things to me, he is married for god's sake. We had sex, in an exam room, at prom while his wife chatted with my boyfriend, if he thinks I am so wonderful why is he still married to her. Better yet if she cares about me so much why does he keep chasing me and keep hurting me. _

Meredith manages to slip out of his grasp, "I have to go", she says grabbing her pile of charts and leaving quickly. She gets to the nurse's station and slams the charts on the desk.

"Shit" she says loudly looking through all of the charts for the envelop with her flight information and hotel.

"Shit" she says again shaking her head.

"Looking for this"? Derrick asks tapping his finger on the envelope he is holding up in the air.

Meredith is suddenly overcome by a sense of dread. _Oh god he can't know. _

**Review please it helps me figure out what the hell I am doing.** **Thanks!**


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